Do you have a love life that can be compared to a roller coaster or is it a total snooze-fest? There are chances that you have a string of crappy partners. But, you cannot strike out the chances of you being the guilty of sabotaging your love life in numerous ways unknowingly. Maybe it stems from past relationships. Trust issues. Low self-esteem. There can be tons of reasons for you to be self-sabotage in relationships.
Let’s know some of these to prevent them from damaging our love lives.
1. You Don’t Let People In
Clearly, you cannot simply get into a relationship if you disallow people to enter your life. Even though people say you can’t help who you fall in love with, this is not true for everyone. Some people have the ability to lock down their feelings and force people to stay away. Not every time it is the fear of being emotional, sometimes people can keep a large part of themselves secret. Unless you trust your partner with yourself and your feelings, a relationship will only end up as another failure.
2. You are Extremely Judgemental
Judgments can be one of the most damaging weapons in a relationship. It tells your partner that it’s not okay to be themselves. Moreover, it develops resentment over time and damages even the most intimate relationship. Even if the relationship survives the corrosive effect of the judgment, you still suffer.
Understand that it is essential for you to listen to your partner and offer them valuable advice without being judgemental whenever they need. Be open to their individuality and embrace it. That’s the best gift you can give someone.
3. You Have a Low Self-Esteem
Each one of you is important for your relationship. Your self-esteem, the way you treat and feel about yourself, is vital. Having low self-esteem makes you look down upon yourself and creates an impression in your mind that you don’t deserve to be treated well. Additionally, it causes you to become guarded or explore security and stability in the wrong places.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, make yourself and your happiness top priority. That way, you will be able to work on your betterment and enhance your outlook towards a relationship.
4. You Have Unrealistic Expectations
Do you assume things? Do you automatically convince yourself that your partner is your knight in shining armor? Or do you think your date is going to break your heart? Or do you expect big romantic gestures for your birthday when you haven’t even communicated about what you want?
Hang on! You are just overburdening your partner with unrealistic expectations.
Sometimes we complicate our own relationship with such things. While it may seem perfectly fine to you, it is nothing but a self-fulfilling prophecy which is totally unfair to your partner. It is rather better to go slow and see how things move.
5. You Regularly Flake on Plans With Your Partners
No matter how many peppy conversations you have during day time or what level of understanding you demonstrate on the calls, it’s always better to go out and spend some time together. If you have been finding excuses to avoid these meetings and bailing out, you are on the way to ending your dating life.
If you don’t really enjoy the idea of cafe dates, explore what’s that thing that you both love doing. It can be shopping, or simply watching kids playing in your favorite park. Talk your way through it and use the idea to identify the definition of a perfect date.
6. You Look For Your Date’s Flaws
Bad dates can be exhausting, emotionally draining, and frustrating. But the dates once gone are gone forever, don’t let it creep into your mind so deep to affect your future dates. Blaming negative dating experiences on everyone else and keeping a bitter attitude from one date to next is something that only takes away all the fun off your love life. Approach each date as a completely new venture and don’t generalize or judge based on past experiences.
7. You are Still Dwelling on the Past
There are many singles out there who have recently been out of a relationship or a bad marriage, and still think they are ready to hop into a new one. Although sometimes they really are, at times, there is negative aura present around them that reflects in the conversations on new dates. While that might appear completely alright for you, to your date, it might be a red flag making them run away from you.
8. You are Putting Up Too Many Filters
If you have a well-crafted checklist defining how your partner should be, you’re all up for a big disappointment. There have been people rejecting dates just because they do not satisfy the hypothetical parameters they’ve put up. And all this in the name of “not willing to settle.” While that seems phenomenal to you, it only ends up your chances to find someone. The key lies in identifying what makes you both unique and how can you contribute to the relationship with these traits. Aim to foster a deep relationship rather than a perfect one.
The Bottom Line
Sometimes, we are not even aware of the small things that we do that sabotage our relationships. The ones mentioned above are the simplest examples to it. Can you think of more? Or would you like to suggest a remedy to overcome these? Write to us and let us know.